Sports Opinion & Analysis

Adding Advertisements Would Be Better Than Some Of These New Uniforms

In NBA on October 10, 2012 at 5:34 pm

A few months ago, I wrote an article on how the NBA was researching the possibility of adding advertisements onto their uniforms. Universally, everyone seemed against it. The fans, the players, the coaches, the three people who read the article.  Overall, it was decided that if the NBA added advertising, it would cheapen the league, and most importantly, look really, really dumb.

Yet, after seeing the photos of a few teams possible new alternates (leaked by Steve Noah, owner of, maybe a few Toyota, Tampax, Dark Knight Rises on Blu-ray, Obama or Romney bumper stickers would actually help.

Oklahoma City Thunder:

Just when we thought the Thunder’s regular uniforms weren’t ugly enough.

Sure, the Thunder used to be the Seattle Supersonics, but after making the move from the Pacific Northwest to the dry Midwest, the Thunder pretty much lost their 41 year history and became the new kids on the block.

And because they are the new kids on the block, the rest of the older kids in the league need to stop picking on them. I say “someone’s picking on them,” because that’s the only reasonable conclusion I can come to, because someone must have lied to the Thunder when they were designing their new alternates and asked, “Hey, does this look good?”

Of course it doesn’t.

First, it doesn’t match the team’s current color scheme, which is bad enough as it is, but at least try to stay consistent. Second, (and most damning), is that it looks like something Tony Parker, the Gasol brothers, Ricky Rubio, or Boris Diaw would wear during the offseason. And what I mean by that, is that it looks like a cheap Euro League uni.

Please don’t disrespect American basketball by wearing those things.

Brooklyn Nets:

This isn’t a poorly designed alternate. This is primary uniform.

We all knew Jay-Z supposedly helped design the Nets new look, even though he only owns one fifteenth of one percent of the team. While the new black and white color scheme is supposed to pay homage to the old subway stations back in the day, majority owner Mikhail Prokhorov should have found a designer with a little more financial stake than one fifteenth of one percent.

These jerseys look like they came from a McDonald’s high school basketball tournament at best, or from an adult recreational league at worst.

Portland Trailblazers:


Is this like one of those “Spot the Difference” puzzles from the newspaper?

(For those of you who don’t know, a newspaper was something sort of like this blog, only it was printed on paper, and delivered to your doorstep every morning)

Someone email me when they ever find the difference between the Blazers’ new jerseys and their old ones.

The Other Guys:

While the Denver Nuggets and San Antonio Spurs new alternates weren’t leaked via video game screen shot, their new additions made such significant splashes in the NBA fashion scene (it’s a small scene, and it usually involves nerd glasses without frames, button down plaid shirts, and backpacks), that it wouldn’t be fair not to take a moment and gander, err, comment on the train wrecks, err, uniforms the two teams will be wearing next season.

Denver Nuggets:

Partying like it’s 1983.

Are they horrendous? Yes. Is there way too much going on? Of course. Do they throwback to the infamous Nuggets jerseys from the ’80’s and early ’90’s? Absolutely. Despite all of this, do I love them?

You betcha.

San Antonio Spurs:

Nothing says boring to watch like boring gray uniforms.

It looks like someone gave the colorblind four-year old Nike designer who created the Oregon Ducks uniforms a call. These things are obscenely boring, yet somehow mimic the Spurs infamous style of play.

They’re also trashy and cheap, which also mimic the team’s playing style.

A perfect match, thread by thread.


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